The orientation phase wasn't too bad at all; I came out feeling a bit hesitant, but mostly confident that I could do my job adequately. I wasn't expecting to be as excellent as a well-seasoned nurse, but I thought I could do a good job. As time went on I started feeling worse and worse not only physically (between night shift, lack of sleep, and germs everywhere my immune system was done for) but also emotionally. I was stressed beyond belief. I dreaded seeing my manager since she usually gave me constructive criticism (really, it was delivered professionally and as a "learning experience" but my mindset just couldn't handle it.) I also had serious trouble sleeping during the day - not due to light, sounds, or screwed up circadian rhythms, but due to my own anxieties. I would literally wake up hourly thinking about things I may have missed. Did I put all the orders in? Did that patient actually have crackles AND wheezes? What if I forgot to tell day shift about the medication in the Wall-a-roo?
This went on and on for 1-2 months of hell. Finally, I exploded. When I get stressed, I tend to take that stress out on my husband. We ended up having a big fight about something totally unrelated, but when we got to the bottom of it it was all related to my job stress. He had recently gone to a leadership training thing at his job and gave me some good advice about how to have a more positive mindset. I also talked with one of my coworkers recently about it and she had some good advice as well. Here's what I've been doing to try to be happier at work: (Btw, I HAVE to be happy at work. I have a 2 year contract that I don't want to pay 20k to get out of. 2 years of misery doesn't sound fun, so I may as well make the best of it!)
- Be grateful for what you have
- I see people at their worst. They are sick, miserable wretches. Sometimes dying, sometimes struggling with addiction, sometimes just holding onto life because they have nothing else. If nothing else I am thankful for my health. I am also thankful to have a job, even if it is not a "dream job." It pays the bills and allows me and the hubs to live quite comfortably.
- Hit the "reset" button
- I had a patient fall a few weeks ago. She was trying to climb out of bed all night and I should've seen it coming, but it still happened. Old me would've let this fall hang over my head for months. But that night I spoke with almost all of my coworkers, and even the best among them had had at least 1 fall on their records. They all still were working at our facility, so I didn't have to fear losing my job. Instead I just hit my mental reset button and told myself that I would be the best nurse that I could be that night. I try to mentally reset before every shift.
- Know that some things are out of your control
- You can't make that patient take hydralazine, even if their blood pressure is 210/120. All you can do is watch them and make sure they don't stroke out on you. And you absolutely can't strangle that 22 y.o. heroin addict who cleans out the pantry and fridge and is on his call light again every time you leave his room - which is at the end. of. the. hallway.
- Negativity gets you no where
- Going into a patient's room with a poor attitude isn't going to do good for anyone. It won't help the patient, and it won't help yourself. Plus, being positive is so much easier once you get the hang of it!
Anyway, that's the gist of it. Hopefully I can stay on this happy train for a while. Not sure how long that will last though. Starting Thursday I'm working 6 of the next 7 days. Ouch! Definitely going to try to get called off at least once. Wish me luck!
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