While this week had a few moments that made me want to pull my hair out (confused pt removes PICC line at 0630, check!), I also had a lot of deep heartfelt moments with patients.
For some reason, this was the week of the sad, down and out woman. I had a least three different patients this week who I had to motivate to carry onward. One (ICU transfer) I'm pretty sure is going to die soon, but I'm not gonna tell her that when she's already super anxious!
Anyway, the point of this is that this week has somewhat rejuvenated me. Caring is why I got into nursing in the first place. I didn't get into it for the paperwork, or the shitty doctors who don't want to be "bothered" at 0200. I went into it for the moments like these, where people need you. They just need some guidance, some self esteem, somebody to tell them that everything will be ok whether it's true or not. This is why I do what I do.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Friday, May 2, 2014
"Annual" Review, Stage IV wound, and Programming
Well, today has been a long and interesting day for me. I received my "annual" review today (even though I have only been working for 6 months) and passed. Yay raise!
On a more disgusting/sad/interesting note, I had a patient last night with a stage IV pressure ulcer. As a nurse, I absolutely hate to see things like that because it means that the person with the wound has not been being care for properly, whether via ignorance or neglect. It had just be debrided two days previously. The day nurse told me in reports that there was "no visible drainage" on the dressing when she checked it "just before shift change". Ha! This nurse is notorious for being terrible, and for good reason. I went in to assess this patient around 2030 and the dressing was soaked. Not only was the dressing soaked, but the disposable pad underneath her bottom was soaked through as well. Clearly I had to do a dressing change. Essentially it was a very deep wound packed with lots and lots of moist gauze. I kept pulling and pulling and gauze just kept on coming out. The smell was horrific - worse than a carcass rotting in the hot summer sun. I can't even describe the smell. The aid and I just looked at each other and we each had to turn away a few times to catch a breath of fresh air.
Anyway, I finally get to the end of the gauze trail and what happens? A big old glob of purulent green drainage comes rapidly oozing out from lord knows where. I irrigated the wound about 3 times and the oozing would NOT stop! I ended up just repacking it and dressing it because who know when the ooze would end? I can't be irrigating wounds all night! I should also mention that this was wound week for me. Between the three nights I worked, I had about 5 dressing changes, which is unheard of for me. It also confirmed my ideas that I would possible like to be a WOCN. I love gory stuff, as awful as that sounds.
Anyway, switching gears now. My birthday was about two weeks ago and I received some money and gift cards. Normally I am the type of person to run out and either buy impulsively or buy something I've been dying to get but haven't wanted to spend my own money on. Recently though, I have been working in becoming more minimalistic and less consumeristic. I've been thinking long and hard about things before I buy them. I had a few things that I kind of wanted, but didn't want enough to actually spend money on. I also thought about putting the money towards my loans, but in the long run it wouldn't have made that much of a difference and I would have rather enjoyed the money as the gift that it was. I finally decided tonight to pursue something I've been toying with for a while - learning to program through Treehouse. I signed up for the two week free membership, so we'll see how it goes for a while. I have enough gift money right now for 2 months of membership. According to their "track" timeline, this means I could finish the track in 1 hour per day for two months.
I'm currently signed up for the Web Designer track, since it seems to be the "internet for dummies" type of course. You learn HTML, CSS, and I think maybe some other things. I'm pretty excited about getting into the nitty gritty of it all. The first video I watched, while very informative, was very slow and tailored towards what I imagine to be the elderly who have just booted up their computer and stumbled upon this website. Yes, I know what a dropdown menu is, and yes I know what ctrl+S and ctrl+R do. Ok, thanks. I get that you need to know your audience, and those are very useful pieces of information for people who need them, but as I said, I'm ready to jump right in headfirst! Maybe after I complete this I can even get some side work to pay off my loans. Who knows!? (I feel like that might be a long shot at this point though.) At any rate, I'm excited to be learning something new. I am still beyond in love with Duolingo and about halfway done with my Spanish tree (I can read "40% of articles!" according to them) so perhaps I will push on through French and German until the release of the Russian tree. I think that will be challenging but highly interesting.
Anyway, that is my life at the moment.
On a more disgusting/sad/interesting note, I had a patient last night with a stage IV pressure ulcer. As a nurse, I absolutely hate to see things like that because it means that the person with the wound has not been being care for properly, whether via ignorance or neglect. It had just be debrided two days previously. The day nurse told me in reports that there was "no visible drainage" on the dressing when she checked it "just before shift change". Ha! This nurse is notorious for being terrible, and for good reason. I went in to assess this patient around 2030 and the dressing was soaked. Not only was the dressing soaked, but the disposable pad underneath her bottom was soaked through as well. Clearly I had to do a dressing change. Essentially it was a very deep wound packed with lots and lots of moist gauze. I kept pulling and pulling and gauze just kept on coming out. The smell was horrific - worse than a carcass rotting in the hot summer sun. I can't even describe the smell. The aid and I just looked at each other and we each had to turn away a few times to catch a breath of fresh air.
Anyway, I finally get to the end of the gauze trail and what happens? A big old glob of purulent green drainage comes rapidly oozing out from lord knows where. I irrigated the wound about 3 times and the oozing would NOT stop! I ended up just repacking it and dressing it because who know when the ooze would end? I can't be irrigating wounds all night! I should also mention that this was wound week for me. Between the three nights I worked, I had about 5 dressing changes, which is unheard of for me. It also confirmed my ideas that I would possible like to be a WOCN. I love gory stuff, as awful as that sounds.
Anyway, switching gears now. My birthday was about two weeks ago and I received some money and gift cards. Normally I am the type of person to run out and either buy impulsively or buy something I've been dying to get but haven't wanted to spend my own money on. Recently though, I have been working in becoming more minimalistic and less consumeristic. I've been thinking long and hard about things before I buy them. I had a few things that I kind of wanted, but didn't want enough to actually spend money on. I also thought about putting the money towards my loans, but in the long run it wouldn't have made that much of a difference and I would have rather enjoyed the money as the gift that it was. I finally decided tonight to pursue something I've been toying with for a while - learning to program through Treehouse. I signed up for the two week free membership, so we'll see how it goes for a while. I have enough gift money right now for 2 months of membership. According to their "track" timeline, this means I could finish the track in 1 hour per day for two months.
I'm currently signed up for the Web Designer track, since it seems to be the "internet for dummies" type of course. You learn HTML, CSS, and I think maybe some other things. I'm pretty excited about getting into the nitty gritty of it all. The first video I watched, while very informative, was very slow and tailored towards what I imagine to be the elderly who have just booted up their computer and stumbled upon this website. Yes, I know what a dropdown menu is, and yes I know what ctrl+S and ctrl+R do. Ok, thanks. I get that you need to know your audience, and those are very useful pieces of information for people who need them, but as I said, I'm ready to jump right in headfirst! Maybe after I complete this I can even get some side work to pay off my loans. Who knows!? (I feel like that might be a long shot at this point though.) At any rate, I'm excited to be learning something new. I am still beyond in love with Duolingo and about halfway done with my Spanish tree (I can read "40% of articles!" according to them) so perhaps I will push on through French and German until the release of the Russian tree. I think that will be challenging but highly interesting.
Anyway, that is my life at the moment.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Long Week
Man, this has been one heck of a long week! It's primarily due to having a crappy schedule, but still. Sometimes you just want to curl up in bed and never leave. This week I worked Sunday, Tuesday (12-4 class), Wednesday 11-7, and Friday. I never really got a real break since my days off were spent sleeping. It was awful! I cannot wait for this week to be over. I also got floated Wednesday night to IMC (our ICU stepdown). I actually really liked it there. Everyone was super friendly and they gave me their easiest patients. However, that's partially because our institution says I don't have adequate training to care for their more intense patients, but that's fine with me. Bring on the "easy" ones! It was seriously just like my floor, but with 2 less patients. How does that make sense? I just feel like my floor is far more chaotic in general. We're constantly running around chasing bed alarms and dealing out pain meds like they're candy. On IMC, none of my patients had pain meds and I heard like 2 bed alarms go off the entire night.
I'm just sad because weeks like this past week really make me feel burnt out. It takes me some legitimate effort to remember how much I loved my role transition in school. I don't love what I currently do. It makes me depressed and makes me hate people. Well, people under 65. The non-elderly hospital patients are some of the worst people. They are just rude and whiny and have completely unrealistic expectations of what being in the hospital means. It's a hospital honey, not a Hilton. I'm not going to bring you your dilaudid the minute it's due every time - prn means as needed, not wake you up 4 times during the night because it is "due" even though you have no symptoms of pain that I can see. Ugh. This is mostly a rant about one patient I had who tried to give me his phone number. Gross and no thank you.
I'm just burnt out and tired of feeling like a legal drug dealer. I got into nursing because I cared and wanted to make a difference. I hope that my dream will linger on just a while longer so that someday I may find it again. At least I understand now how the jaded nurses I met in school came to be that way. Nursing is not all rainbows, sunshine, and saving lives. Most of the time it's paperwork, wiping asses, and pushing pain meds (hah! pun intended. :P). I just want to feel like I have some meaning in my life instead of just grinding out a week for a paycheck.
I'm just sad because weeks like this past week really make me feel burnt out. It takes me some legitimate effort to remember how much I loved my role transition in school. I don't love what I currently do. It makes me depressed and makes me hate people. Well, people under 65. The non-elderly hospital patients are some of the worst people. They are just rude and whiny and have completely unrealistic expectations of what being in the hospital means. It's a hospital honey, not a Hilton. I'm not going to bring you your dilaudid the minute it's due every time - prn means as needed, not wake you up 4 times during the night because it is "due" even though you have no symptoms of pain that I can see. Ugh. This is mostly a rant about one patient I had who tried to give me his phone number. Gross and no thank you.
I'm just burnt out and tired of feeling like a legal drug dealer. I got into nursing because I cared and wanted to make a difference. I hope that my dream will linger on just a while longer so that someday I may find it again. At least I understand now how the jaded nurses I met in school came to be that way. Nursing is not all rainbows, sunshine, and saving lives. Most of the time it's paperwork, wiping asses, and pushing pain meds (hah! pun intended. :P). I just want to feel like I have some meaning in my life instead of just grinding out a week for a paycheck.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Vacation - All I ever wanted!
The hubs and I just returned from a trip from Vegas last week with his siblings and some friends, and now we are already planning our next adventure! Vegas just didn't feel like a vacation to me, and both of us like to have something to look forward to, so here we are planning again! It's kind of exhausting figuring out where to go, what our budget is, what the timing will be, but in the end it will be so worth it. I told him that I wanted to do something at least 5+ days this time, since for the past year we have just been taking a ton of little "extended weekend" type trips. While fun, they are exhausting and don't allow you to fully experience a place. We actually talked about going back to DC because there was so much more that we wanted to do while there, but we were visiting friends and it was only a 3 day trip. I'll keep you posted on what we decide. Based on my initial research, it looks like a cruise may be the most bang for your buck. We'll see.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Back to school
Well, I am officially failing at my goal of posting once a week. That is ok though, as April has been a busy month for me! I was in Las Vegas this past weekend, and worked almost continuously up until then. It was a good time, but I'm glad to be home. I have so much stuff to catch up on around the house!!
Anyway, back to the title of this post. For a while now, I have been toying with the idea of going back to school to become a nurse practitioner. I have always been kind of a commitment-phobe when it comes to education - not from fear of failure, but from wanting to learn a little bit of everything! For example, even though I want to (possibly) become an NP, I also want to be an oncology nurse, a WOCC-RN, and a hospice nurse. I want to do everything! Part of the reason I went into nursing is so that I could have some variety in my career without requiring another degree.
I'm still uncertain as to whether or not I actually want to go back to school. It would mean more money sunk, and more opportunity costs in life. But, it may pay out long term with an increased salary. However, I think that I should certainly take some time to examine my options. Right now I'm just running headfirst towards school because I strongly dislike med surg.
I also met my friend's girlfriend while in Vegas. She, like me, had a degree and psychology but is currently in school for a master's in software engineering. I'm not sure how successful in that field I would be, but I think it is something work looking into. One of my favorite sites (Mr. Money Moustache) has an article about Treehouse - an online educational service where you can learn programming for as little as $25/month and be "job ready" in 6 months. I think I may pursue this avenue, as it is inexpensive and I enjoy learning regardless of the outcome. For example, I am currently using Duolingo to learn Spanish solely because I find it interesting and enjoy learning new things.
Anyway, that's that. The hubs and I are going out tomorrow night for fancy birthday dinner, since I have to work all weekend. It should be a good time. :)
Anyway, back to the title of this post. For a while now, I have been toying with the idea of going back to school to become a nurse practitioner. I have always been kind of a commitment-phobe when it comes to education - not from fear of failure, but from wanting to learn a little bit of everything! For example, even though I want to (possibly) become an NP, I also want to be an oncology nurse, a WOCC-RN, and a hospice nurse. I want to do everything! Part of the reason I went into nursing is so that I could have some variety in my career without requiring another degree.
I'm still uncertain as to whether or not I actually want to go back to school. It would mean more money sunk, and more opportunity costs in life. But, it may pay out long term with an increased salary. However, I think that I should certainly take some time to examine my options. Right now I'm just running headfirst towards school because I strongly dislike med surg.
I also met my friend's girlfriend while in Vegas. She, like me, had a degree and psychology but is currently in school for a master's in software engineering. I'm not sure how successful in that field I would be, but I think it is something work looking into. One of my favorite sites (Mr. Money Moustache) has an article about Treehouse - an online educational service where you can learn programming for as little as $25/month and be "job ready" in 6 months. I think I may pursue this avenue, as it is inexpensive and I enjoy learning regardless of the outcome. For example, I am currently using Duolingo to learn Spanish solely because I find it interesting and enjoy learning new things.
Anyway, that's that. The hubs and I are going out tomorrow night for fancy birthday dinner, since I have to work all weekend. It should be a good time. :)
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Life at the moment
Well, no nursing stories this week. Just regular life stuff. This week everyone I regularly talk to is out of the country so I'm all on my own. The hubs is in Canada for work, his sister (one of my bffs) is in Germany for work, and my parents are in the Dominican Republic on a well deserved vacation.
So, what have I been doing with all my free time you ask? Well, a whole lot of nothing. I should really clean the house, but that's the last thing I want to do (side note: on the radio today they said 93% of people would rather do anything besides clean their house. lol. I am the 93%!). I applied to some prn positions and got rejected from some already. The Children's hospital contacted me today saying they were interested, but didn't know how I would be able to attend the 2 week M-F 8a-4p orientation while working full time. I politely rejected them. Ain't nobody got time for that!
I also went and bought some new Danskos today since my others are too small. While I was at the mall I turned in my Mac empties and got two Back to Mac lipsticks in Shy Girl and New York Apple. Sooo pretty!
I don't know if it's just loneliness or what, but I'm quite mopey tonight. Just lots and lots of negative thoughts. At least I haven't been binge eating the ice cream in the freezer like I initially thought I would. I just have too much time alone with my thoughts. At least work will keep me occupied for the next two nights and then my hubby will be back.
So, what have I been doing with all my free time you ask? Well, a whole lot of nothing. I should really clean the house, but that's the last thing I want to do (side note: on the radio today they said 93% of people would rather do anything besides clean their house. lol. I am the 93%!). I applied to some prn positions and got rejected from some already. The Children's hospital contacted me today saying they were interested, but didn't know how I would be able to attend the 2 week M-F 8a-4p orientation while working full time. I politely rejected them. Ain't nobody got time for that!
I also went and bought some new Danskos today since my others are too small. While I was at the mall I turned in my Mac empties and got two Back to Mac lipsticks in Shy Girl and New York Apple. Sooo pretty!
I don't know if it's just loneliness or what, but I'm quite mopey tonight. Just lots and lots of negative thoughts. At least I haven't been binge eating the ice cream in the freezer like I initially thought I would. I just have too much time alone with my thoughts. At least work will keep me occupied for the next two nights and then my hubby will be back.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Be all that you can be
I read this article today. I know that we are well into the "new" year, but I still found it to be inspiring. I feel that we should all be working towards becoming the best person that we can be. I feel like overall I am in a very good place with my life right now. There are a few minor things that I would change, but overall I am happy. After reading that article, I decided to make a list of goals for the rest of the year. I don't feel like making them public at this time, but I think they were quite reasonable.
One of the keys to being successful with goal setting is to have measurable goals. One cannot simply say, "I want to read more." This was one of the goals I wanted to put on my list, but to make it measurable I instead put, "Read 15 books by 12/31/14". By making it measurable, I will know if I have reached my goal or not!
Another thing that I personally think helps with goal achievement is reasonable rewards. I know that intrinsic rewards are the best rewards, but sometimes it's nice to just treat yo'self to something you've earned.
Finally, the only way to actually achieve your goals is through internal motivation. You have to want it. No one else is going to make you lose 20 lbs or run a marathon. You have to do it for you!
I'm not really sure what the point of this post was supposed to be, but I was just feeling very motivated and inspired today and thought that I should share my inspiration with you.
One of the keys to being successful with goal setting is to have measurable goals. One cannot simply say, "I want to read more." This was one of the goals I wanted to put on my list, but to make it measurable I instead put, "Read 15 books by 12/31/14". By making it measurable, I will know if I have reached my goal or not!
Another thing that I personally think helps with goal achievement is reasonable rewards. I know that intrinsic rewards are the best rewards, but sometimes it's nice to just treat yo'self to something you've earned.
Finally, the only way to actually achieve your goals is through internal motivation. You have to want it. No one else is going to make you lose 20 lbs or run a marathon. You have to do it for you!
I'm not really sure what the point of this post was supposed to be, but I was just feeling very motivated and inspired today and thought that I should share my inspiration with you.
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